We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
