Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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