She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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