I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
