Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
