Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This house was built for laser tag.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
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Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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