Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
