We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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