Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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