My first STD was from a foam party
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
