I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize