When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
