Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
