I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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