just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
