why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
