what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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