someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
