Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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