she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
