I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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