she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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