I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
