I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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