pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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