the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
id be glad to
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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