This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
