I don't usually arrange sex via text message
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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