May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
