tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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