Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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