you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
