If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize