But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
