I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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