my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
