you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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