I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
