i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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