If that was your dad, he is hot
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
