You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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