I only kidnapped one of them. chill
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
