He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she peed on how many people?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
