You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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