What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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