I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm both gender and math confused
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