Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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