So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i think i just lost a toe
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
