The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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