Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
