Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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