Dual....:-)
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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