Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
