I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
