he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
